2. “Often we come home from a sharing session with a feeling that something precious has been taken away from us or that holy ground has been trodden upon.”
Henri J.M. Nouwen
Too true. Seriously I do have stuff I want to say and good things to share, but I never do. Well I shouldn’t say never, but I hardly do. Unless I am with my All-Time-Friends then I am like an open book. I am not sure why we or I am like that. As this one thing does not make us Introverts, Introverts alone. Not at all. Its lots of little things, like the last comment I had discussed. There are many times when this quote really described me and still does today.
For instance when I was at youth group and we had small group discussions. More times than not I said nothing. Sometimes it was because I had nothing to share, other times it was because I was too scared or nervous to speak up. I always hated it when people would call on me to answer a question or ask if I had any thoughts on the question being asked. I would normally say no. I was too afraid I would say something silly! No, I kept silent. My thoughts were my own and they were very private. I would usually write down my thoughts to these questions back home in my diary. Which I still do today. Granted it may not be healthy for me to keep so silent. Answering those questions or thoughts could have been good for and/or for someone else in that group. But my lips were sealed shut!
A more recent time is when I was doing Intake with FMC. Boy was that really hard for me. I had to give talks and speeches and testimonies. I felt like I was going to die. I hate give talks in front of people. I get so nervous and I just want to melt through the floor. The testimony part was the hardest for me. I do believe that someone can get something from my testimony, but inside I really don’t what these people, strangers or not knowing about me. I might tell someone a little bit, but going into more detail is so hard for me. I would say that was the hardest challenge for me in FMC. Having to tell other people about my life and making new friends. I was never good at either of those.
But one thing that helped was having three friends that I surprisingly made in FMC. Noah, Seth, and Abi. I remember Seth saying that the four of us should go off somewhere to go over our testimonies before we have to give them in the big groups. I still did not want to do this, but yet we all agreed. So we met. Surprisingly we all got really deep with each other. This really helped us a lot when we had to give our testimonies to the big groups. Really all the four of us did was have a chat and read off of the papers we had in our hands. I knew that what was said to those three would be kept with just them. So of course I didn’t say everything I said for them for the bigger group, but it still helped give my testimony. Though I still felt like a part of me was taken. A piece of my heart or something.
Just be patient with us and don’t force us to open up our lips. As they say actions speak louder than words. Yes we can be very private, but that is just who we are. Who I am. Feel free to leave comments or ask actions. I could always go further, but sometimes it’s hard for me to keep the words coming from my brain. Questions help too. So feel free to ask my anything or say anything. Anything at all.
The picture is of Abi and I having a conversation about Rick Riordan.
These next few or so blogs will be about Introverts and quotes most introverts will totally understand. So if you are one or if you’re an Extroverts wanting to know how Introverts think, then you should defiantly read these. Granted though I am an Introvert I am no expert on the topic. So hearing your opinions on the matter would be rather interesting.
1. “Because introverts are typically good listeners and, at least, have the appearance of calmness, we are attractive to emotionally needy people. Introverts, gratified that other people are initiating with them, can easily get caught in these exhausting and unsatisfying relationships.”
Adam S. McHugh
The first thing I want to bring up is “good listeners”. For me that is totally true, I am a very good listener. In fact I probably listen more than I talk. And usually when I talk it’s giving some really good advice. Weather that advice is taken to heart I really don’t know. I do know that listening to someone is really important. For those who feel like someone is listening to them it makes them happy and I do like making people happy. I know this because there is one person out there that I tell everything to and he really listens and that fact that he is taking the time to listen to me makes me feel calm and happy inside.
The second part I want to bring up is having the “appearance of calmness”. In other words hiding our emotions. I am very good at that, perhaps too good. Sometimes it’s not healthy for us to keep our emotions so bottled up inside of us. Sometimes we are too afraid or too nervous to open our feelings up. Also we are so used to being the listener that when it comes to our time of being the talker we really don’t know what to say or how to say. So we just go on like nothing is wrong, that everything is perfectly fine even though we know it’s not. We are just so good at acting calm that no one really knows what really is going on.
The third part is “attractive to emotionally needy people”. I like to help solve their problems. So I guess I do seek out needy people with emotional problems. I’m always avoiding mine, but I will go out and seek others. Again it comes down to listening. I’m good at it and I do it more to other people than people do it to me. I guess that’s because I never talk.
The last part I want to discuss is “exhausting and unsatisfying relationships”. I have met so many people that come and go in my life. One day I think this person is my friend and the next day they don’t even speak to me or over time we have grown apart. I get that people move on, but I guess I have never like that part about life. Solving problems and listening can be tiring, but I care about people too much. But one thing we do is start to caring other people’s issues on our shoulders and that is what really gets exhausting. It’s like caring phone books stacked on our shoulders and instead of getting arid of them we just add them on.
That is just the first quote, there are 25 altogether. I could be wrong with what I said or maybe this is just for me and other Introverts are different. I would love to hear you opinion on this part. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I do it because I love people and nothing will ever change that. If it did I would not be me
Honestly I really don’t have an answer myself. Just speculations. See I am 20 years old soon to be 21 and I have no boyfriend nor have I ever had one. For a long while that actually really bothered me! I felt unwanted and completely invisible. Then I was re-reading a book by Robin Jones Gunn, where a girl decides to leave her love life utterly up to God. I decided I wanted to do that too, as I was so tired of trying to figure out when I meet my guy. So my love life is now in God’s hand, but let me tell you it is so not easy. It’s actually harder then when I read about it.
I was still coming up with crazy notions how this guy or that guy could be the one. Then I got thinking, talking with one of my girlfriends, and reading more books by Robin Jones Gunn. One of the ways that you will is this “You will just know”. Anther is this, you may find that you tell your friends stuff, but there is this one particular person (in my case a guy) that you tell absolutely everything to and I mean everything! And for me there is. It’s weird, for some odd reason I tell him everything and I don’t hold back. It just comes so naturally to me tell him everything about me. Things I know I have not told any one else.
Now is he the one, may be or may be not. Only God knows. And for now that’s how I plan on keeping it. What about any of you readers, if any one is reading all this, do you think I am right or wrong? What do you think can tell you that person is the right one for you? Give me your thought and/or ideas. I would sure like to hear them. Especially so know my blogs are actually being read.
Bye for now!